Parents Call For Parish Priest To Supervise Leaving Cert Stripper Party


PARENTS of young adults with eyes have called on a local parish priest to supervise a Leaving Cert party which will feature a stripper as its main attraction, it has been revealed today.

Fr. Patrick Murphy was approached by concerned mothers and fathers late last night to attend the event to celebrate the end of the secondary school exam. It is understood the 67-year-old priest will manage the nightclub proceedings on the night in a bid to desexualize the arranged entertainment.

Parents originally slammed the proposed party over the introduction of stripper Chelsea Ferguson, claiming her appearance was nothing short of ‘live pornography’.

“I’m just worried my eighteen year old son will end up raping some poor innocent girl out of frustration,” voiced concerned parent Jane Clancy, who had sex once to create her son. “What if all those young men get so turned on they start raping each other? How will they live with their gay selves after that? We really need a priest on the scene to make sure the night goes without sin.”

Fr. Murphy told WWN that he was delighted to have been asked to supervise the gig and has already made several plans for the night in question.

“Once I have all the men on one side and the women on the other it will be plain sailing.” he said. “I have arranged the DJ to play some pre-recorded prayers every half hour. This filthy stripper slut will be asked to wear a shawl throughout the night. There will be no lusty dancing or any of that craic on my watch.”

A spokesperson for the Rape Crisis Centre has welcomed the event’s new supervisor and has called on other towns and cities to follow suit, as Ms. Ferguson is due to play at least three more clubs across the country.

“There is nothing like a priest’s presence to prevent rape.” said CEO Ellen O’Malley Dunlop. “We urge parents of those attending to warn their innocent children of the dangers of stripping and raping one another.”

Last year alone over 500,000 men were arrested for rape in Ireland after being encouraged by live strip shows.