‘Sunburnt T’Fuck’ Warning Issued For Wednesday

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As the sunny weather approaches Ireland that has long since been proven to be scientifically impossible, Met Éireann has been quick to warn the Irish public of the health issues associated with exposure to the Sun.

In a bulletin issued to the press, Met Éireann has encouraged the Irish public to remain responsible during the unseasonably good weather.

“We tend to delude ourselves into believing we Irish have an additional layer of skin, which only reveals itself when the Sun is out and whose sole purpose is to protect us, leaving us impervious. But, sadly after years of research, we here at Met Éireann can reveal this ‘mutant’ layer is nonexistent,” shared Eamon Traynor, “we were as surprised as anyone.”

A weather warning of ‘Shocking Good’ in place since last week has been upgraded to ‘Sunburnt T’Fuck’, the highest level weather warning in place in Ireland except for ‘Dead’.

Met Éireann went on to dispel some common myths that people may have about protection from the Sun.

“If you raise your hands above your eyes in order to see better, you have not protected yourself for being burnt. If you have been sunburnt before that does not mean you will never ‘catch it’ again. Additionally Met Éireann can find no reason for the average price of a 99 being more that the price of a penthouse apartment in New York.”

Each and every Summer, Irish people are treated for severe burns resulting from over exposure to the Sun and so far this Summer has been no different.

“Some young gentleman thought it would be funny to tan the Batman symbol into his chest. Well, he didn’t tan did he? No, he burnt himself, so severely in fact, he can kiss goodbye to his nipples,” shared local nurse Diane Powers.

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