Media Respectfully Descends On Schumacher Family With Thousands Of Cameras



The family of Formula One racing legend Michael Schumacher received heartwarming news as the former Ferrari driver is believed to be out of his coma and now beginning rehabilitation in a Swiss hospital.

The uplifting news was met with countless expressions of good will from the public, many hoping for a swift and full recovery for the German.

Surprisingly the media too, have joined in the acts of kindness by carefully and humanely descending upon the German’s hospital with thousands of cameras and reporters.

“We’ve really thought this through,” shared a paparazzi photographer employed by the tabloids. “At this point we’re usually chucking rocks through the windows and swearing at the person we’re hoping to catch a glimpse of but this is a time for privacy so we’ve constructed this makeshift viewing tower so we can catch him in the nip in his room.”

The media, famously known for reporting on people’s request for privacy, but subsequently ignoring them, have decided to forgo their usual brash, crass and callous forms of reporting in favour of a more reserved, respectful iteration.

“As you can probably see we only have 8 helicopters above the Schumacher room,” Sky News presenter Kay Burley explained, “It was initially 9 but we lost one as it hit the power lines and destroyed the 3rd floor. The legal team are looking into suing the family, but as we said we’re being very respectful.”

Schumacher’s carers in his new hospital in Switzerland are only being followed by reporters 23-hours-a-day in a rare act of solidarity and kindness shown by a caring media.

The media’s commitment to breaking news has seen them attempt to gain access to the hospital in many respectful but ultimately terrible ways. A reporter for the Daily Mail disguised himself as a pair of crutches hoping to be part of Schumacher’s recovery process while bizarrely a reporter for The Sun newspaper was sent to study medicine and has qualified as a surgeon in the hopes of securing a job at the hospital.