Fears Gay Pride Festival May Be Ruined By Straight People Who Can’t Dance For Shit



The annual Dublin Pride Festival is well under way and as always it looks set to be a great celebration of the LGBT community in Ireland.

The festival continues to flourish, but organisers have voiced some of their reservations at the press launch earlier today, specifically citing the Pride parade which closes the festival.

Ireland still has a long way to go in becoming an equal and just society, and while recent Pride festivals have seen increased participation from straight friends to the LGBT community several worrying incidents have arisen.

“We all love this time of year, it really is great for us as a community and Ireland as a whole,” shared Niall Cullen, “but something has to be done about the STD problem.”

STD, otherwise known as Straight’s Terrible Dancing has plagued the LGBT community since its emergence but reports suggest the efforts of straight people to try and dance well but ultimately failing has reached an all time high.

“Look, the women aren’t the problem for the most part. It’s the straight men, they get so excited and full of beans. Then the limbs just let fly. It’s embarrassing and terribly dangerous all at the same time. The festival is so much more than the parade, but Jesus, we’ve a reputation to uphold,” admitted Pride attendee Aisling Hogan.

WWN was shown several videos, filmed as part of research relating to how to improve the Pride festival, which captured endless instances of straight people trying to dance in an exuberant fashion only to come across looking as stiff as a corpse.

It is believed many straight people attend gay clubs and pubs in an attempt to ‘let their hair down’ and dance with wild abandon but sadly lack the ability to not embarrass themselves.

“You would be astonished at number of straight people we get in A&E following an attempt at dancing. It usually involves failure to put one foot in front of another,” shared nurse Colleen Hughes.

“The majority of straight people suffer from ‘dancing blindness’, they just can’t see how uncoordinated they are. Rhythm is a foreign country to them. If I’m being honest it kind of ruins the experience for the rest of us,” shared Pride veteran Thomas Chambers.

‘Safe dancing zones’ will be introduced to preserve the ‘street cred’ of the Pride festival. These safe zones will allow straight people dance in separate areas in which no filming or photography can take place.