It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

WWN will be bringing you a daily round up of all the latest goings on at this year’s World Cup.

WWN can still not confirm reports Sepp Blater has melted down the World Cup trophy in a Rio Cash For Gold outlet.

Last night saw tournament hosts Brazil and the referee beat Croatia 3-1 but many fans of the beautiful game were talking about the real big news coming from Brazil:

‘What the fuck? Is that a spray or something?’, ‘Why has the ref got the silly string out?’ and ‘Eh, yeah, obviously. They even use it in, like, the US lads’ were the most uttered phrases in the pubs and sitting rooms of Ireland as a new space age invention called ‘some spray thing’ was unleashed on walls and the footballing world.

Sadly Pitbull was put down after last night’s opening ceremony.

News that Eamon Dunphy is set to wear a dress if England make the quarter finals has been met with widespread vomiting throughout the country.

A number of Irish men who have no interest in football have survived being found out and assaulted by using phrases such as ‘Neymar’, ‘fuck sake’, ‘we’re all part of Jackie’s army’ and ‘offside’.

RTÉ, ITV and BBC along with other international broadcasters have received a number of complaints due to what football fans are calling a lack of footage of ‘absolute rides’ in the stadium crowds. Previous tournaments have seen TV directors fetishise young, attractive women, unwittingly allowing the TV audience an insight into their crumbling sexless marriages at the same time. In 2010’s tournament it counted for as much as 30% of the coverage.

Today’s big match sees reigning champions Spain play beaten finalists Holland. Many critics fear a repeat of the 2010 final in which several Dutch players were charged with attempted murder of the Spanish stars.