America Officially Renames The Middle East ‘Problemistan’



Following the latest upheaval in northern Iraq, a decision to rename the Middle East region was reached by the Obama administration late last night.

Some 11 years after America’s invasion of Iraq and 13 years after the war in Afghanistan began, the Middle East still provides a rather large headache for the ‘leader of the free world’. This is now reflected in the American government’s decision to reclassify the extensive region, referring to it in all future correspondence and communications officially as ‘Problemistan’.

“We feel it reflects the administration’s felling towards the countries in the region and is certainly more reflective of the politically sensitive policies pursued there,” shared a White House insider.

With Kurdish militants attempting to reclaim much of Iraq’s north from the Shia Muslim majority put in place by the last elections, America is left once again to look on disgruntled and frustrated.

“The Arab spring, Benghazi, the whole drone thing in Yemen and Pakistan that definitely isn’t happening, Israel, Iran, Syria. It just goes on and on and on and on. Problem after problem,” a visibly stressed and for some reason topless White House press secretary told the media.

President Obama was reportedly halfway through the latest episode of Game Of Thrones when he was summoned to a briefing on the Iraq situation which has seen 500,000 people flee the effected region. Just 100,000 fewer in number than those killed in the American led Iraq war.

“No, I don’t think the stress is getting to any of us,” added the now naked press secretary, “Problemistan is a much nicer name for the region anyway. What is a Turkmenistan anyway?”

The move to rename the region has been hailed as a PR coup by many political experts.

“The move to hegemonise the language around the region, it will, in the long run, make it easier for the American public to see faceless, nameless victims,” shared strategist Mark Bloom, “and it’s certainly better than Inconvenience-istan.”

Educational institutions have already been sent out revised maps and history texts to reflect the change in American foreign policy, making the transition to Problemistan even easier. A flag has yet to be chosen that America will use as a signifier for the region, but rumours are that it will be a frowning emoticon seem accurate.