Internet Running Out Of Irrational And Angry Comments, Experts Reveal



THERE has been widespread panic throughout the internet community as experts have revealed that irrational and angry comments, long thought to be the internet’s fuel, are at an all time low.

“What a lot of people don’t realise is that idiotic and stupid comments are to the internet what gasoline is to cars,” explained lead internet researcher at the Institute of Studies, Dr. Ludwig Von Berrum.

The internet is still far too complex a concept to explain to the average human so many people were completely unaware of the reliance on these type of comments.

“We initially tried to use cat videos and pornography as a trojan horse if you will, each of those videos contained subliminal messages, but people soon became immune and obsessed in equal measure.”

In recent years a movement spearheaded by internet users known as ‘rationalism’ sought to reduce the number of angry and illogical rants in the comment sections of Youtube videos and elsewhere. The campaign has been so successful that there is a danger the internet will cease to exist.

“Well, if you look right here,” Dr. Von Berrum said consulting a large chart, “the top 1,000 most used words on the internet in 2006 were variations of a homosexual slur, were jumped to 2014 and now ‘thanks’ is at number 963. We’re in real trouble.”

Dr. Von Berrum became yet more disconsolate as he consulted his computer screen. “Now in the last minute there were only 13.4 billion idiotic comments, we have reached breaking point.”

Internet users have been encouraged to change their habits to ensure a long and happy future for the internet. Among the suggested behavioural shifts are ‘never reading anything fully’, ‘becoming more petty and spiteful’, ‘take everything out of context’ and ‘spend less time on videos of cats’.

Members of the Institute of Studies, stressed the importance of not simply ‘liking’ or ‘retweeting’ a heinous and ignorant comments, they are urged to add their own additional idiocy to maximise the impact.