Man Not As Discreet As He Thinks Unsticking Testicles From Inside Leg


KILKENNY man Paul Hand was this morning spotted adjusting his testicles while on a grocery shopping expedition with his wife.

The incident occurred in the queue for the bread slicer at his local branch of Lidl when despite Mr. Hand’s attempts at covertness, it was witnessed by everyone in the shop.

It is believed that the recent bout of humid weather coupled with an ill-fitting pair of boxer briefs caused the 28-year-old’s Micky and testes to stick to the inside of his upper thigh, requiring Mr. Hand to move his entire genitals up and to the left to achieve a degree of relief.

The slight adjustment was carried out in a manner which was believed to be discreet, but was spotted by literally everyone, including ex-neurosurgeon and current Lidl trainee assistant Lucia Portzvejnor.

“I was stacking shelf with Kinder chocolate and Haribo when the man starts to queue for bread slicing machine,” said the 46-year-old Latvian.

“I see the man as he makes scoop hand, underneath balls and up and around, then under balls again in up and down motion. As he waits for bread machine, he rearranges his balls, maybe five or six times. Everyone sees him do it, but he keeps pretending to look at the prices of cereal while whistling a tune”.

Other than Ms. Portzvejnor, the testicular relocation was spotted by the five others in the bread line, the security guard, the people further down the aisle at the fruit section, and Mr. Hand’s wife Sabrina, who chastised her husband for his lack of discretion.

Dismissing this, the Kilkenny man then went on to readjust himself several more times during the shopping trip, including scrotal realignments in the middle aisle with the lawnmowers and the computer equipment, while browsing the crisp selection, and while packing up his purchases at the window beside the checkout.