UFO Abductee Shocked By Test Results

CLAIMS made by an American father-of-five earlier this week have made international headlines.

Jeffrey Pryzbylewski, a 52 year-old Arkansas native, contacted his local newspaper when he received a letter containing some life changing news. Mr. Pryzbylewski became a laughing stock in his home town months ago when he revealed to friends and family he had been abducted by an alien aircraft and repeatedly tested on.

It is believed that after losing his teaching job as a result of his claims, he began to drink heavily and his marriage broke down. “I feel vindicated,” said the shabbily dressed former teacher to both local and national press, “I received a letter today from the aliens so I have proof I was abducted”.

When asked by the press what information was contained in the letter addressed to the 52 year-old he was quick to answer. “They were just informing me of my tests results” this statement, understandably, was followed by muffled laughter but Mr. Pryzbylewski continued.

“It’s obviously hard for them to deliver the results face-to-face since they live in space, but after prodding me they discovered I had a tumour, so I haven’t got long. It’s been a tough time for me.”

While most clouds have silver linings it appears only dark clouds await this alien abductee. Although alien technology is understood to be far more advanced than that present here on earth Mr. Pryzbylewski does not have health insurance so will not pursue treatment.

The aliens who carried out the testing are said to be sympathetic towards Mr. Pryzbylewski but they stated in the letter that “we don’t get out to your neck of the woods often” and “we’re sorry about the tumour boo hoo etc. but we don’t leave our solar system for less than $10,000”.