New Study Reveals Irish Bodies Made Up Of 60% Tea

A STUDY published today by the Institute of Studies has sensationally revealed the extent of which tea drinking has affected evolution of the Irish people. Record keepers maintain that the Irish are among the elite drinkers of the hot beverage in the world consuming an average of about 4.8 pounds per person every year.

Using a random sample of the population researchers found that simply cutting a small incision of an Irish person will cause them to bleed tea which is different to most humans who bleed blood.

The study notes that the researchers were glad to have so much tea on hand as it saved loads of time on their lunch hour.

Spokesperson for the powerful Tea-Industrial Complex, Margaret Helly declared the results of the study to be great news for the Irish as a species. The Tea-Industrial Complex represents the views of major tea companies Barry’s, Lyons and Bewley’s in Leinster House.

She said “It’s great news that the Irish’s love of tea has forever altered their bodies. If I’m honest though I felt they can do better than 60% and should buy more in order to achieve 100%.”

However, Gavin Dempsey distinguished tea scientist has warned that this could have drastic effects on the Irish for many generations to come. “The Irish now will suffer from chronic tea-breath, eternal luke-warmth and are more susceptible certain cancers.”