Thousands Attend ‘Heros Welcome Home Parade’ In John Waters’ Imagination Today



HUNDREDS OF thousands of well wishers attended a ticker tape parade in John Waters’ imagination today, after he blatantly refused to pay a parking fine, resulting in him being briefly jailed for several terrifying hours.

The large streets lining the depths of his consciousness were filled with cheering bystanders, congratulating him on ‘standing up to the system’.

“I would like to thank everyone  for today’s turn-out.” said Waters, while looking into a bathroom mirror. “Your support really means a lot to me and I think I can speak for everyone here when I say ‘we really socked it to them’.”

Mr Waters then proceeded to mimic crowd cheering sounds by cupping his hands together and breathing through them heavily.

The Irish Times journalist was sentenced to two hours in prison after he refused to pay the fine in a case that dates back to 2011. A judge ordered that he pay the fine or be jailed for a day and when his period permitted to make the payment expired a warrant was issued for his arrest.

“I knew what I was taking on board when the law threatened me with jail.” he said to the imaginary crowd. “I’m a free man now but don’t let my sacrifice for you all be in vain.”

Men, women and children wiped tears of emotion from their cheeks as his words echoed across the almost silent crowd.

“Let us take something away from my time in prison…….. for together, we are one.” he concluded.

The crowd cheered as the hero bid them farewell from his pedestal, before a large balding man in a suit entered the public house bathroom he was in, interrupting his moment of glory.

“You’re that spacer from the tele, aren’t ya?” said the man.

“Yes. Yes I am.” he replied , before heading proudly out the door with his head held high.