Dublin House Prices Rising Now That Banks Own Most of Them, Finds Report

THE DUBLIN housing market has risen 8% now that the major banks own most of them, a new report has confirmed today.

NCB Stockbrokers said banking institutions are happy enough with what they have acquired over the recessionary period and decided to systematically push house prices up over the next 10 years to secure a tidy profit.

The business of creating money out of thin air and lending it to families to a buy a new home has worked wonders for banks, found the report.

Not only does the bank get to hold the previous defaulted mortgage owner to debt interest, they also get to repossess the house and begin a new cycle of money creation and lending for more Paddies willing to sign on the dotted line.

NCB said due to Ireland’s large percentage of ‘fucking eejits’, the banks are in a perfect position to start lending again, thus pushing property prices up and creating yet another false economy.

Property Analyst Jason Stokes said: “As long as there are fucking eejits still left in this country willing to commit to high interest mortgages for poorly built matchbox houses, we can expect to see a significant rise in the property market again over the next decade.”

Meanwhile, hundreds of banking officials gathered inside Dublin’s Shelbourne Hotel earlier today for their annual  ‘laughing conference’ – where members of the financial community are urged to jeer and mock at humiliating slide show pictures of families who have defaulted on their mortgage payments over the past year.