Latest Missing Teen Definitely On The Session Somewhere, Says Everybody

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IRELAND’S latest missing teen is definitely on the session somewhere after the long bank holiday weekend, according to everyone today.

Joseph ‘Joey’ Moylan, from Clonmel Co. Tipperary, was last seen in Abrakebabra fast food take-away on Gladstone Street between 02.00am and 02.30am on Sunday night.

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he found a proper fucking session somewhere.” said one man, who heard the appeal on the radio earlier. “He’s off his chuck somewhere now and hasn’t a clue he’s all over the papers.”

The 15-year-old is described as being 5’10” tall with short fair hair. He was last seen wearing a blue Nike tracksuit with the ends tucked into his socks and shitty Lidl runners.

Locals from the area also believe the son of two may be in a house party up the town somewhere and have urged the boys parents to ‘relax the kaks’.

“Look at the gurrier head on him sure.” said local town councilor Dennis Wise. “I bet that youngfla is up in Elm Park now skullin’ cans and neckin’ yolks.”

Gardaí have appealed for anyone who may be on the session with Joey to contact Clonmel Garda Station on 051-234-567, the Garda Confidential Line on 1800 666 111 or any Garda station.

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