‘I’ll Probably Find Some Door Work In Town Or Something’, Says Retired Garda Station



A COUNTY WATERFORD Garda station said today that it will probably ‘find some door work in town or something’ following its forced retirement by Justice Minister Alan Shatter last month.

Ballyduff Station said it will not go back into full-time employment due to ongoing medical issues, but will seek a part-time security job in Waterford City.

“I know a lad on the door of one of the local nite-clubs in town and he said it will get busy now coming up to the Summer.” said the 156-year-old building. “Fingers crossed now he’ll give me a call over the net few weeks.”

Mr. Station, who is currently situated near the west Waterford village of Lismore, served the community for over 80 years,  but was told by the justice minister it will not get any pension from the government due to it being an ‘inanimate object’.

“You work hard all your life for the bastards and for what, a kick up the back door?” it said. “I just don’t think its fair that a long-time representative of the state should be treated in such a manner.”

“Just because I’m a culchie station doesn’t give them the right to treat me like shit.

“This is nothing more than blatant ‘ruralism’.” it added.

Ballyduff is one of 95 rural garda stations that were forced to retire from the force in budget 2013.

However, neighboring retiree , Stradbally station, stated that it will hold no grudges against the government, and is looking forward to many a long walk on the beach and a round of golf.

“I’ve served my time now and I think it only fitting I get to live out the rest of my years here in the place that I love.”

Ballyduff responded by saying that Stradbally station was a ‘fucking sell-out’ following its decision to accept an offer to refurbish and become a local art gallery.

“I’d like to see him doing the door on student night.” it concluded. “Fucking pansy wouldn’t last three minutes in town.”