Government Calls Independent Enquiry Into ‘World Is Round’ Theory

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TAOISEACH Enda Kenny said today there is a need to bring “legal clarity’’ to the claims that the world is round, and not flat as previously thought by the Irish government.

The Fine Gael leader brought up the theory in the Lord and ladies chamber in the Dáil this morning, after numerous calls were sent in from peasants across the Kingdom.

Coalition ministers gathered at the round table at 11am to discuss how the government should deal with the new found information.

Tánaiste Eamon Gilmore called for a full independent ‘wizard enquiry’ into the matter: “We need to start thinking out-side the castle walls and approach matters of the cosmos with the masters of the black arts.”

Sources told Waterford Whispers News that some religious ministers were very concerned about the consequences of the new theory and fear that ‘charlatans’ maybe trying to sabotage the inner workings of the shire.

Chief sorcerer James O’Reilly condemned the ’round world conspiracy theory’ as ‘quackery’ and advised his Lordship Mr.Kenny to put a halt to the tomfoolery immediately, for the sake of the Kingdoms coat of arms.

Meanwhile, thousands of pro-spherical peasants took to the city walls in silent protest.

One candlestick maker said: “Everyone that see the rotating stars amongst the sky and the changing tides of the ocean knows the world be round – except our thick religious fearing government. It is time they moved out of the dark ages !”

Round-table spokesperson, Sir Phillip ‘Esquire’ Hogan, said discussions into debunking the ‘flat-world’ theory could run into the next week, and that a large feast will be held in the Dáíl to help feed the ‘elders thoughts’.

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