Author: Colm Williamson

Women Call For Bigger Makeup Mirror On Car Windscreen

FEMALE humans worldwide have called on car manufacturers to increase the size of the ‘makeup mirror’ located at the centre of the windscreen, claiming that the design does not reflect the whole face and is practically useless for women. “Obviously, whatever eejit designed this was a man and had zero experience in applying makeup,” voiced motorist Donna Carey, who began an… Read more »

Shocking 5 Out Of Every 5 Irish People Living Abroad Are Migrants

A SHOCKING new survey on Irish citizens living abroad has found that a staggering 5 out of every 5 of them are classed as ‘migrants’, sparking confusion among the anti-migrant community here at home. Furthermore, the survey also found the overwhelming majority of Irish migrants living abroad were Caucasian, and much like foreign migrants living in Ireland, had similar reasons… Read more »

“Beckham Kissing Daughter Made Me Feel Funny Inside”

SPEAKING out on his latest unwanted comments, British journalist and television presenter Piers Morgan has admitted that David Beckham’s Instagram snap of himself innocently kissing his own daughter made him “feel funny inside”, forcing Morgan to insinuate things set deep within his own warped subconscious. Morgan, who oversaw phone hacking of celebrities and people of interest, and ran fabricated… Read more »

“That Snowflake Had It Easy” Bitter Curiosity Rover Slams Mars Landing

THERE were shots fired on social media channels today after NASA’s Curiosity rover slammed the space agencies latest Mars landing rover, InSight, branding the robotic lander a ‘snowflake’, WWN can confirm. In an early morning series of tweets, the Curiosity Rover lambasted its fellow explorer for its “flowery landing”, stating it would “love to see if it’s still functional in 5… Read more »

BREAKING: John Delaney Still FAI President

NEWS has broken in the last few moments confirming that FAI president John Delaney is still president of the FAI, despite being John Delaney, WWN can confirm. Mr. Delaney, who makes €360,000 annually on top of an additional €300 allowance per day for some unknown reason, is expected to continue both his current roles as John Delaney and FAI president for… Read more »

Fucking Loser Still Doing Movember ​

DESPITE hundreds of new charity campaigns being launched in the last decade, a Dublin man has taken it upon himself to grow a moustache for the month of November in the hopes of raising money for the Movember campaign which is really uncool now and sad, WWN can confirm. On November 1st, absolute loser David Tynan took… Read more »

Fully Grown Adult Excited About Arrival Of Branded Truck

A WATERFORD man was today beside himself over the news that Coca Cola will be bringing their American style truck to Waterford city in the hopes of rekindling nostalgic memories while also enticing some cold hard sales of the popular soft drink. Immediately clicking ‘attending’ in the Coca Cola event Facebook page, Niall Kennedy rallied his two sons… Read more »