Author: Colm Williamson

Hallmark Launch Dirty Uncle Day

THE world’s oldest and largest manufacturer of greeting cards has today announced a brand new day of celebration in appreciation of all the world’s dirty uncles, WWN can confirm. Dirty Uncle’s Day is due to be launched on Sunday the 7th of July to mirror similar celebrations like Mother’s and Father’s Day throughout the year. “It’s time we… Read more »

Entire Bank Branch Stolen Overnight

GARDAÍ IN County Tipperary are appealing for any eyewitnesses to come forward after an entire branch of the Bank of Ireland was stolen by raiders overnight. Staff at the BOI branch in the town of Murt were left devastated this morning to find the 2,400 sq. meter building gone when they arrived to work at 9am, with nothing only the bank’s foundations… Read more »

Coffee Just Flavoured Tap Water, Finds Report

DESPITE thousands of claims of unique one-off blends of gourmet, fair-trade ethical coffee, a shocking report carried out by Waterford Institute of Technology found that 99.99% of coffee is only as good as the water it’s made in. “Sorry to burst your bubble here but no matter what the coffee claims to be, at the… Read more »

Earthquake Reminds Government That Ireland Still Owns Donegal

DONEGAL was struck by a 2.4 magnitude earthquake on Sunday night reminding the government once again that yes, Ireland still owns the North Western county despite not paying it very much attention over the past 100 years or so. Picking up a dusty rotary phone labeled ‘County Donegal’, Taoiseach Leo Varadkar and his advisers spent several minutes deciphering the… Read more »

Zuckerberg To Spend Nice Relaxing Evening Listening In To Everyone’s Calls

AFTER yet another busy and stressful day at Facebook HQ, American technology entrepreneur Mark Zuckerberg kicked off his $4 Walmart trainers into the area under the stairs and threw himself onto the couch for a nice relaxing evening of listening to private phone calls. Swapping from Whatsapp to Facebook messenger’s realtime calls, the young billionaire randomly highlighted a two-way video call to… Read more »

“Surely It’s Someone Else’s Turn Now” Health Minister Asks Taoiseach

IRISH Health Minister Simon Harris has asked Taoiseach Leo Varadkar if he can move on now as he has served the unofficial 2-3 year period that sucessive governments have secretly laid out for politics’ most unwanted role. Pointing to his watch, Fine Gael’s latest fall guy explained that May is only around the corner, marking 3 years exactly since he was handed the job. “You barely did… Read more »

Merkel Sound Now

GERMAN Chancellor Angela Merkel is reportedly “sound now” after announcing Germany will stand with Ireland “every step of the way” over Brexit, following years of not being sound at all, WWN can confirm. Merkel, who for many Irish citizens during the recession represented everything that was wrong with the EU, IMF and global banking cartels, said a solution to… Read more »