IN A STATEMENT delivered to French president Emmanuel Macron from heaven via a parting in the clouds, God Almighty has said that a pledge to restore Notre Dame to its former glory in 5 years time is simply not good enough.
“If I can build the world in 6 days, you can restore one cathedral in 6 months, get your act together,” God bellowed.
Moved by the grief and solidarity witnessed on the streets of Paris, God batted away the French president’s claims that leading architects, engineers and restoration experts have said Marcon’s own 5-year timeline is already too ambitious and imposed the shorter deadline of 6 months ‘or else’.
“Tick tock buddy, and I don’t want to hear any bullshit in 6 months time about ‘unforeseen’ delays. 6 days. A whole universe in 6 days and no help, I even took a day off so you’ve no excuses,” God added.
Macron attempted once again to state the circumstances around the careful, painstakingly slow and very necessary next steps that have to be taken to ensure the cathedral’s survival, much to God’s displeasure.
“Unbelievable! I knew you French were arrogant, I built you myself, but ignoring my demands and thinking you know better? Un-be-liev-able!”
Out of the sorrowful ashes of the fire came heartwarming scenes as France’s leading businessmen, best known for persistent tax avoidance and fraud, began donating to the cathedral’s restoration.
Elsewhere the Irish public have begged the French president not to take up a kind offer from the contractors responsible for the National Children’s Hospital to rebuild Notre Dame ‘in a timely manner and for a small, reasonable fee’.