Britain To Accept Irish, Blacks, Dogs On An Irish By Irish, Blacks By Blacks, Dogs By Dogs Basis

FEARS that Brexit would propel the UK into a racist hellhole have been dampened by an announcement that racism will be handled on a case-by-case basis, making sure that each minority receives no less and no more racism than deemed necessary.

Many still recall the dark days of signs outside English shops, pubs and businesses bearing the phrase ‘No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs’, and there had been concerns that the UK’s departure from the EU may embolden the pro-leave to return to these troubled times, but a recent think-tank attended solely by white people with high blood pressure has moved to assuage these worries.

Speaking at what was definitely not a right-wing rally, prominent Brexiteer and social media superstar Johnny Hodginson discussed plans to operate an ‘Irish By Irish, Blacks By Blacks, Dogs By Dogs’ scheme to ensure everyone knows their place in life as the UK enters a post-EU world.

“There’s a lot of people in the corrupt media that will say we’re racist; we’re not racist, we just want an all-white England” said Hodginson, who exists only in portrait video.

“After Brexit, it’s all going to be very fair. We’re not talking about the days of signs outside cafes banning Irish people, blacks, dogs, Muslims or whatever… although that all sounds fine to me, to be honest. But no, we’re going to be a lot more friendly than that. Show that the UK will accept Irish, blacks and dogs, but like, y’know… as and when we see fit, or feel like it. There’ll be an application process, you know? Meet ‘n greets. But if all this sounds like too much hassle, then yeah; total ban. We’re easy”.

The announcement was met with cheers from the pro-Brexit crowd, causing a spike in their blood pressure and raising the temperature in the area by five whole degrees.