EU Tells Britain To Lube Up As This Might Hurt A Little

BRITAIN has been told that despite the bold claims of the Conversative government post-Brexit vote result, the EU has maintained that this probably going to sting a bit, WWN can confirm.

Reports emanating from Brussels have shocked many Brexit voters in Britain as it appears the EU may not want to enter into negotiations and agreements with Theresa May’s government which simply give Britain the best possible outcome.

“Without going into detail as to how we want negotiations to go, you might want to make a bulk purchase of some lube. Make sure its the one with the European ‘CE’ quality mark, you’ll need the top quality stuff for this,” Guy Verhofstadt, the European Commission’s chief Brexit negotiator explained.

The EU’s response was prompted by an expectation among senior British government figures who have expressed a desire to retain all the elements of EU membership that are of huge competitive advantage to Britain, without having to suffer any adverse effects upon exiting the EU.

“Yeah, that’s not going to fly,” confirmed Verhofstadt as he placed a pair of latex gloves.

Verhostadt went on to explain that the application of lubricant was of course ‘a metaphor’ following bizarre scenes involving members of the British public imploring the EU to start with their biggest arseholes, Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage first.