Billionaires And World Leaders At Davos Summit Eating Newborns

NEWS that billionaires and world leaders have been feasting on the flesh of newborn children is truly shocking but comes as little surprise to a weary public.

The Davos Summit in Switzerland is renowned for its closed door policy which allows the world’s richest people unfettered access to leading politicians, driving speculation that they can influence governmental decisions and policy. Rare media access was granted to several journalists from the BBC who have relayed the shocking first hand accounts of observing the most powerful men and women in the world and Enda Kenny.

“They were discussing bilateral trade agreements in the internet age and that’s when the servers came out with the snacks and drinks,” explained BBC veteran Alex Fetherson, “and it will stay with me forever, the leaders stayed focused on one another as they casually chatted but I saw these children on the serving plates, it was just shocking”.

Fetherson went on to describe what happened next as leaders such as Angela Merkel and Barack Obama along with business leaders Bill Gates and Sheldon Adelson gaily picked up the children by the legs and shoved them down their gullets before several of them belched loudly.

It is believed IMF head Christine Legarde declined to eat any newborn at this year’s event as she admitted she had overindulged a little over the Christmas period. There is no information yet as to where the Davos Summit sourced its newborns, but it is rumoured they are from ‘incredibly poor places’.

“I don’t know if they forgot journalists were present, but it was just so casual and happened so fast,” Fetherson added before breaking down.

Another journalist noted that some of the speculation surrounding the Davos summit turned out to be true.

“Well, they did have some of the rumoured competitions,” explained Jane Gordon, “we witnessed the ‘Who Has The Most Evil Laugh?’ competition whereby leaders stood on a table and bellowed loudly to the strains of ominous music. Angela Merkel won, but this angered a number of businessmen vying for the title”.

WWN confronted Enda Kenny following these revelations, but the Taoiseach insisted that he hadn’t eaten any baby as the one served to him was ‘too old’ and would not agree with his sensitive stomach. He did however finish 29th in the ‘Who Has The Most Evil Laugh?’ competition.