‘Romantic Ireland’ Down Alleyway Puking After Too Many Jager Bombs

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‘Romantic Ireland’ is down an alleyway vomiting profusely after doing too many Jager bombs, Irish society confirmed today.

Recent scholastic research carried out in UCD confirms that in a modern Irish context, Romantic Ireland is actually far more likely to be puking down an alleyway after one too many poorly chosen drinks than in a battle for the fate of the country’s future.

While the W.B Yeats poem ‘September 1913’ lamented the fact that Romantic Ireland was with O’Leary in the grave, many in Irish society today have now observed times have changed so greatly that it is simply no longer true.

“Yeats looked around him and saw something inspiring in the life and times of John O’Leary in comparison with others – where the poet to venture around Ireland today and cast an eye, he would most likely notice an abundance of designated vomiting points outside a city’s hotspots,” confirmed Professor of English at UCD Tom Lyons.

Much of Irish society holds a similarly dim view of Ireland and its Romantic descendants.

“We’re a fucking useless lot in fairness,” confirmed mother of two Jessica Mahon, “My generation is no use – I barely get dressed in the morning without falling over, never mind rescuing us all from the greasy till and then you look at anyone under 25 and you hope against hope they’re not like us”.

“I don’t think many people are too pushed on the whole Mother Ireland thing these days, today’s version of O’Leary has probably steered clear of any political cause,” offered man on the street Donal Bannon, “I reckon he’s probably an agricultural science student distracted by women and all the student drink offers in clubs and pubs”.

Bannon’s opinion is echoed by experts in the field of Romanticism.

“Where the poem to be modernised, it is largely accepted that no one is really pursuing a ‘noble cause’ as posited in the poem, and it has been such a long time since any figure of note has emerged that there is simply no fitting grave to place ‘Romantic Ireland’ in,” confirmed Professor Lyons, “the delirium extends to a new iPhone launch and that’s about it”.

Despite the new research confirming Romantic Ireland is in all likelihood down an alleyway vomiting shortly after looking for a cheeky ride off someone, Leaving Cert students will continue to study ‘September 1913’ for at least the next 245 years.

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