Keyboard Warrior Perfecting Excuse For Not Turning Up At Today’s Water Protests

A relieved keyboard warrior has thanked his lucky stars after reviewing the weather forecast for Dublin today, confirming it provides him with the necessary starting point for not turning up at today’s water charges protests.

Vincent Neville, 49, has been present in almost all internet comment sections that have dealt with the subject of Irish Water and the subsequent protests against it, but faced with the opportunity to join today’s protest he came down with a severe bout of ‘I’m not really that arsed’.

“I think I’ll run with the traffic problems due to the weather,” Vincent told WWN as he wrote out an excuse on his Facebook page before deleting it several times due to nerves, “I reckon ‘God it’s great to be heading up to Dublin for the protest, but Jaysus the traffic is mad, people driving very cautiously’ might work but I don’t know to switch off my location thingy” the Mayo man added.

Before Vincent, or as he is known in several comment threads MichaelCollinsSpinningInHisGrave69, learned of the quite chilly weather he was faced with the terrifying prospect of standing up for a cause far from the comfort of his office chair in his spare room by the PC.

“Look, don’t get me wrong, I love a good protest, it’s so exhilarating and heartwarming,” explained the veteran of zero protests, “but there’s so many people going already I’m not sure I’ll be needed, I’ll just get in the way”.

While Vincent had been working on perfecting his excuse for some time in recent weeks, the presence of harsh weather has given his excuse a good foundation.

“It’s got to be something simple but relatable, everyone’s been in traffic, everyone knows shite weather. It can’t really fail,” Vincent added unaware that none of his friends believed he had any intention of attending despite his over 4,000 tweets claiming he couldn’t wait.

Vincent’s finally settled Facebook status of ‘Argh!!! Damn this wind and the cold, so many people in traffic here on the way up to the protests driving crazy slow, don’t think I’ll make it in time. Give Enda Hitler hell for me guys!’ received only one comment from Lorna Hughes, who said ‘Mam saw ya down the shops five minutes ago you wanker’.