Liverpool Make Stunning Return To Being Shite Again


NON-LIVERPOOL fans have hailed the Merseyside team’s performance against Swiss side Basel, hinting at the fact that it is a stunning return to lack-of-form which has characterised much of the club’s recent history.

“For a while there it looked like they were far greater than a shadow of their underwhelming selves,” avid Chelsea fan Dave Wilkins told WWN, “I didn’t want to believe their shit-hype in the Premier League but last night confirmed it”.

Experts have pointed out that Liverpool’s, at times, largely aimless drudgery brought back memories from some of neutral fans’ most treasured performances. The Anfield side, has made what critics are calling ‘the most entertaining return to being shite since Manchester United last year’.

“It was all there: the passionate fans, the terrible performance for 70 minutes and then the ultimate hallmark of Liverpool in recent times – an incident which provided them with a chance to moan and claim they were robbed,” explained regular reveller in Liverpool’s misfortunes Gary Neville.

Liverpool fans confirmed that the sending off of Markovic was a clear indication that their 5 previous below average performances in the competition simply didn’t matter because they now had something to build a conspiracy around.

“Markovic’s hand was tampered with before the game by the fourth official, and then we find out the referee met Howard Webb once at a ref’s meeting. I don’t think I need to expand on that,” one Liverpool fan said post-match after several particularly aggressive Google searches.

Many rival fans, particularly delighted in Steven Gerrard’s stunning free kick which gave Liverpool fans some false hope.

“I didn’t even watch the match, I turned my chair around and watched my mate Glenn, who is a Liverpool fan. It was much more entertaining,” explained Manchester United fan Eoin Parry.

Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers would not be drawn on the comedic value provided by his side’s disintegration, but he did depart some of his trademark sage-like wisdom to ITV’s Gabriel Clarke.

“I’ve only this to say on the matter, and it’s a quote, a Chinese proverb actually: Wax on, wax off,” Rodgers explained steely-eyed.