“No, No, You’re Grand – They’re Spoilt Rotten As Is” Donohoe Tells ECB To Keep 0.25% Interest Rate Cut

CUTTING the interest rate for a 7th time in a 12 month period, the extremely generous European Central Bank was urged by Irish Finance Minister Paschal Donohoe to stop spoiling the Irish people for fears they will get used to this kind of treatment.

Mr. Donohoe expressed fears that the proposed 0.25% cut would immediately benefit tracker mortgage customers and put downward pressure on other rates and give struggling mortgage holders a break in the ongoing cost-of-living, price-gouging crisis.

“Why quit while we’re 20% up on house prices from the 2007 peak,” Donohoe pointed out, who’s department oversaw the mass folding of countless hospitality and retail businesses over the last 5 years largely blamed on government inaction and suspiciously cozy ties with energy companies reaping massive profits at the expense of SMEs.

“To offset these cuts,” he added, “we may need to raise local council rates. It just doesn’t feel right to let these interest rate reductions trickle down to the little guy.”

The announcement follows the latest inflation figures showing prices rose only by 2.2% in March, down a massive 0.1% on the February rate, sparking mass celebration across the country.

“Sorry, what? Butter’s nearly six quid in Tesco!” said one shopper. “Now that the big multinationals have squeezed out local shops, they’re robbing us blind. And we’re supposed to be thrilled about a 0.25% cut? Get fucked.”

Meanwhile, Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos apparently sent a number of wealthy women into space, which was a nice moment, we suppose.

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