Local Man Loves Latching Onto Deaths Of People He Barely Knows Like They Were Family

SHARING the latest local tragic death like it was close family, Kevin Lyons waited for the deluge of condolences to flow in, sparking his default mourning mode, a mode he secretly relishes in, a mode that brings with it some rare and desperately sought after human engagement.

“Found a picture of us in Oxegen ’08,” Lyons posted under one of the many ‘sorry for your loss, bud’ comments, revealing a questionable image of the dead ‘friend’ in the far background of a festival campsite.

“I only seen him before Christmas,” the attention whore continued, not revealing the full details of the awkward interaction in a local bar toilet in which the deceased failed to recognise the 34-year-old after several minutes of explaining which classes they shared in school.

Upon inspection, Lyons’ social feeds produced a regular pattern of ‘lost mates’.

“I suppose I’m one of those guys everyone knows and gets on with,” the son-of-two explained, expanding on the nature of his ongoing misfortune, “too many lost last year, hopefully 2025 will be better,” he concluded, now surfing his local section of RIP.ie for more best pals to wallow over.