“Quick! Snap Me Looking All Important On The Phone” Harris Tells Exhausted Photographer

“NOT THAT SIDE – the other side. And make me look more like JFK,” barked Tánaiste Simon Harris, directing one of his team’s latest handpicked photographers drafted in to capture social media content that conveys gravitas, or at least the illusion of it.

Photographer Eric Mackey wondered how long more he has to wait around to capture something usable for Harris’ media team whose brief contained difficult portrayals of the 38-year-old.

“So basically, don’t make him look like Simon Harris,” Mackey muttered to himself as he scanned the brief’s highlighted sections containing phrases like ‘strong and in control’ and ‘less cringe’.

Careful to not move an inch, Harris called on his latest photographer to quickly take a picture while he’s in the classic ‘busy world leader’ stance on the phone, a stance he has been practicing at home in front of the mirror.

“Simon, no one uses landlines anymore,” Mackey pointed out, Harris still in mid-freeze.

“I think it looks classic, actually,” Harris retorted from the side of his mouth, now obviously annoyed at the fact this was the 5th failed photographer this week tasked with making him look in charge.

“You know,” Mackey offered, “you could just be yourself. This whole forced lofty bravado thing? It’s fooling no one – the camera doesn’t lie,” before promptly being shown the door.

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