Olive Branch Shortage Adds To Increase In Wars & Arguments Worldwide

OLIVE BRANCH growers around the world have apologised for a near historic low yield, blaming unpredictable weather.

“Last time we saw conditions like this and with such a low output was probably 1939,” explained one farm worker, whose job involves cultivating olive branches to distribute to world leaders and fighting forces in a bid to get them to ‘chill the fuck out’.

While unreliable yields of the precious tree has been negatively affecting humans since they were first used as peace generating symbols as far back as the first century AD, there remains no better solution to ending people killing one another.

“Our usual shipment of branches were blown up by the IDF despite clear markings on our truck stating we were transporting olive branches, then the following replacement shipment was burned by Hezbollah,” the head of transport for one olive branch producer shared.

Most recently one of the few remaining fresh deliveries of branches was blown up by North Korea when it destroyed a road network joining the hermit nation with South Korea.

“We’ve hired more people, irrigated fields, planted seeds but we can’t produce these things fast enough,” offered one desperate olive branch producer.

“We’ll take the blame for the increase in hostilities and we apologise, but Twitter being an aggressive hate-filled cesspit is fully Elon Musk’s fault”.