D-Day Veteran Goes Rogue, Parachutes Into Rafah


A 104-YEAR-OLD Veteran of the D-Day landings has commandeered a spitfire and parachute and headed for a one man liberation operation of Rafah, unable to take anymore grandiose speeches about honour and duty from world leaders who shrug their shoulders at the war crimes of the Israeli army.

“Fuck these hypocrites,” D-Day Veteran Duncan Mayhew said, reasoning that his finite time on earth was better spent being a man of action one last time rather than waiting around and being praised in speeches by leaders who excel in inaction.

Initially feeling woozy and uneasy when taking to the skies, Mayhew realised his nausea had nothing to do with flashbacks to the fateful day in 1944 but rather the prospect of having to listen to the IDF’s leading arms suppliers pontificating about standing up and doing what is right.

“They kept drawing parallels between that day and the need to protect Ukraine from tyranny, all while failing to mention the hospital, school, aid worker and children-bombing elephant in the room. Targeting the innocent and blameless, that sure sounds familiar,” said Mayhew, who was meant to be part of a fly over of beach with the British airforce in a spectacle honouring forces who stormed the beaches 80 years ago today.

Mayhew, who went on to liberate prisoners in concentration camps immediately had his medal of honour revoked by president Joe Biden for the antisemitic crime of not letting Benjamin Netanyahu use him as a doormat.