Fianna Fáil Win! First Time Voters Too Young To Remember Spate Of Suicides During Recession

THOSE FIANNA FÁIL members fearful of enduring poor local and European election campaigns have been boosted by some welcome news in the form of the fact people born in 2006 are eligible to vote.

“While they might not vote for us due to our current performance in government and failure to address the housing crisis at least they aren’t old enough to remember all those desperate people who took their own lives during the recession,” a sunny-side-up Fianna Fáil member remarked, of a suicide rate which was 57% higher for men by the end of 2012.

There have been internal discussions within the party as to what to do if the subject of recession era suicides was to rear its head on the campaign trail with a conclusion reached based around blaming it on Sinn Féin, much like currents issues, such as immigration and housing are.

“And another bonus of their youth is the fact if they’ve grown up in a dead end rural town with nothing going on, they’ll just presume it’s always been like that rather than correctly tracing its dismantling back to us bankrupting the country,” added one local Fianna Fáil candidate.

Fianna Fáil’s targeting of younger voters isn’t the only voter demographic they feel they can make inroads with.

“There’s people who have been in comas since 2006, amnesia sufferers and Bertie Ahern; we could really claw back some votes in the week before polling day,” confirmed party leader Micheál Martin.