Dublin Delivery Driver Running Late For This Evening’s Attempted Assault By Scumbags


BRAZILIAN native and Dublin based delivery driver Abilo Morais is running late, due to a number of factors completely out of his control, for his daily hairy encounter with a group of youths hellbent on robbing and assaulting him.

“I’ve a lot more orders today in a different part of the city, maybe it’s because of hungover university students celebrating end of exams, but the traffic isn’t helping, the young boys who try to beat me with metal poles and steal my bike will be worried about me, I’m 20 minutes late,” a worried Morais explained.

Morais was further delayed by a Dublin eatery failing to include ten tubs of garlic mayo in one order, forcing the 28-year-old to circle back.

“I would call the guards but they don’t seem to want to do anything about this,” said Morais, who could have been speaking about either attacks carried out by scumbags targeting foreign delivery drivers or restaurants forgetting dips which have been paid for by the customer.

Morais admitted to WWN that were it not for the rampant and undeterred violent attacks carried out by the youths in question his delivery shifts on his electric bike would be safe, productive and worst of all, boring.

“I’m worried, this isn’t like him at all,” expressed a concerned Jayden Kelly, one of the youths anticipating the arrival of Morais.

“It’s times like these, when you get a shock like this, you really start to value the people around you in your life, oh thank Christ there he is, I was beginning to think something awful had happened to him,” added Kelly, now running toward Morais with tears of relief in his eyes and a brick in his hand.