Rise In Offaly Women Eating Partners After Mating Like Praying Mantis


THE NEXT STEP in the evolution of Offaly women has been observed by Irish anthropologists who say there has been an increase in women eating the body parts, including heads, of their male partners.

After a lengthy and often intense courting ritual in which men wear decorative plumage known as Ben Sherman shirts in a bid to stand out, the female of the Offaly variety of women agree to mate. However it is what follows that is of interest to anthropologists.

“We don’t know if they’re not eating enough during the day or what, but they seem to have adopted the mating practices of the female praying mantis,” explained anthropologist Dr Jon De Bries.

While this year has seen a modest rise in post-coital cannibalism carried out by Offaly women, there has been a five-year increase of 273%.

“We’re not here to argue over whether they’re right to do so, on account of the men losing all use to them post ejaculation, we’re just here to observe,” added Dr De Bries, talking loudly enough to ensure he could be heard over the screams of a Laois man being eaten alive after getting lucky at a charity pub quiz in Edenderry.