“No Fucking Way, That’s Mad!” Shocked Putin Can’t Quite Believe Election Victory

“IS THIS A prank broski?” a shocked president Vladimir Putin said to his aides after securing an unprecedented fifth term as leader, seemingly unable to believe the news.

“I feel like Will Young when he beat Gareth Gates to win Pop Idol, my head is spinning,” added Putin who will now rule the country until his next presidential election victory in 2028 kicks off a further four years in power.

Securing 88% of the vote, Putin was completely beside himself with shock over the result, unable to shake the nagging feeling he was the subject of a jest.

“But wait guys, I’m sending young men off to die in a ditch in Ukraine, bankruptcies among Russian firms are on the rise, people live under stifling authoritarianism, I just tried to kill a Navalny ally in Lithuania, why would they still vote for me?” an elated but confused Putin queried.

Silent aides took to looking at the ground as none had the heart to say it’s the threat of death and persecution that keeps everyone voting for him.

“Only 88% of the vote? What a loser,” said North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, reacting to the news.

Meanwhile, the 12% of the Russian electorate that voted for opposition candidates have been informed they’re the lucky winners of a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Siberia.