IDF Clears Itself Of Wrongdoing For 27,677th Day In A Row


FOLLOWING a thorough examination of all available evidence there was widespread relief as IDF spokesperson Daniel Hagari has confirmed the IDF has fully cleared the IDF of all involvement in the deaths of starving Palestinians seeking food from an aid convoy.

“That’s a relief, we don’t have to even bother investigating. Despite the IDF’s many conflicting statements on the incident, in which they initially said they didn’t fire on people, then confirmed they did, I’m convinced,” confirmed the US government, alongside other key allies.

This fact-finding mission on the possible wrongdoing of Israeli forces marks the 27,677th successive day the IDF has cleared the IDF of any responsibility or error since its foundation in 1948.

“I suppose we’re lucky to have an organisation such as the IDF checking this stuff out or else we’d never know the IDF is innocent of all crimes the IDF is accused of. You start to wonder whether we even need guys like The International Criminal Court,” said one netizen, who can sleep soundly tonight knowing the IDF has never put a foot wrong.

This latest ironclad and unbiased verdict join a long and illustrious list of IDF innocence including the murder of journalist Shireen Abu Akleh, the bulldozing of American activist Rachel Corrie, the 2014 bombings in Gaza resulting in the murder of four boys as they played football on the beach and the attack on US naval ship the USS Liberty which killed 34 people, among thousands of other incidents of complete innocence.

UPDATE: The IDF has today claimed it has gathered further proof of UNRWA employee’s involvement in the October 7th massacre, news which has come at an inconvenient time as it risks moving the media’s attention away from the deaths of over 100 Palestinians killed as they converged on an aid convoy.

“This is just awful timing, our initial claims of UNRWA involvement came a day after the IDF was accused of bombing a UN refugee camp and killing 20 civilians,” confirmed IDF spokesperson Daniel Hagari.