Man Wants Same Praise For Never Taking Drugs That People Get For Giving Them Up


A STRAIGHT laced local man who was always too fearful of his parents wrath and riddled with anxiety to ever attempt drug taking of any kind has called for an overhaul in how society approaches commending and supporting those who overcame their drug addictions.

“I’m all for supporting people but while you’re all handing out congratulations and fair plays, do you know when the last I had cocaine was? Never,” offered Waterford native Tiernan Shanley.

Courageously breaking what he considers a major taboo, Shanley suggests he should also get one of those sobriety chips on account of 35 years of being drug free.

“The fact I was born 35 years ago and haven’t ever touched any substances to begin with shouldn’t bar me from getting even a small bit of praise,” added Shanley, who has been warned that lingering outside narcotics anonymous meetings and gloating about his 35 years is a tad irritating.

Brought to tears by the solidarity and pride people express in those who have been able overcome addiction, Shanley simply wants recognition.

“No book publisher would be interested in my memoir, there’s been no low point, no coming back from the brink so I think it wouldn’t kill some people to give me a pat on the back for that,” Shanley outlined.

“I mean it’s great you’re not stealing your little brother’s communion money anymore to settle a debt with a dealer but some of us don’t were robbed of those milestones because we thought our eyeballs would explode if they came into contact with secondhand spliff smoke. Being this boring takes bravery and courage too, I take it one day at a time as well”.