What Hollywood Gets Wrong About Ireland

IRISH people have had it up to here with offensive Hollywood stereotypes about what it is to be Irish.

If we had a euro for every time Hollywood portrayed Ireland and its people in a tone deaf fashion we could only cover half of the cost of the Children’s Hospital, but here are La La Land’s most egregious depictions of ‘Oirland’:

The movies are all set against a backdrop of fertile rural farmland populated by cheery locals, there isn’t a city in sight. In reality, Ireland has a number of cities, filled with miserable people who have negligible agricultural knowledge.

Families are seemingly made up of a brother with an accent from Belfast, a sister from Cork, a childhood friend from Sounds Sort Of English and her sister from Dublin.

We aren’t a ‘simple’ people. Simple people would right now be blindly paying vastly overinflated prices for houses a decade after bankrupting themselves by vastly overpaying for houses.

Not enough leprechaun talk. Irish people actually discuss them every waking minute.

‘Top o’ the mornin’ to ye’. What a load of bollocks, Irish people never say this unless they’re debasing themselves for the American dollar which Ireland’s tourist and services industries pimp themselves out to 365 days a year.

We’re all drunks.

We’re all called Murphy. Not true, some people change their surnames after their drunk father abandons them.

Crime fighting nuns. If we had a euro for every time Hollywood produced a movie about crime fighting nuns we’d be rich. Who can forget ‘Nuns With Guns’ the Arnie and Sly starring action pic in which they play two FBI agents undercover as nuns in the west of Ireland.

In reality, nuns cause more crimes than they prevent in Ireland.