Adult Children Not Consulted On Parents’ Decision To Get Smaller Tree This Year

THREE ADULT SIBLINGS making a routine visit to their family home are threatening violent revolt after parents Sean and Roisin Bassett purchased a three-foot, countertop Christmas tree instead of the usual big sitting room corner floor-to-ceiling filler.

“I wish I was dead,” said youngest child, 29-year-old Eoin, reacting in a completely understated and understandable way to the discovery.

“Tear my heart out while you’re at it, what next a plastic tree? You sick, sick fucks,” added eldest Sheena, who had to be held back by her sister Áine.

Despite attempts at providing explanations which included ‘you’re not here long enough at Christmas to justify me being ripped off with a €100 big tree’ and ‘listen here you ungrateful shits, you can always buy one yourself and bring it over’, the Bassett parents were unable to stem the flow of highly emotional outbursts.

“Mam, I’ve said my piece but just know Baby Jesus knows what you did,” rounded Sheena, who hates change, “what are we going to put the presents under now? You’ve pissed all over my childhood with this lark”.

“So democracy is just a joke to you two is it? Where was the vote? Last time I checked this is still Ireland,” Áine piped in, her pleas for respecting the normal way of family decision-making falling on deaf ears.

Struggling to get a response in, Sean and Roisin resolved to hold off on mentioning they weren’t doing turkey because it’s too much of an effort.