Things We’d Like To See Henry Kissinger Reincarnated As


RICHARD NIXON and Gerald Ford’s former secretary of state Henry Kissinger has died, prompting a full review ordered into Karma’s handling of his case due to the fact the prolific war criminal lived to the age of 100.

While Kissinger is widely believed to be taking over the running of Hell from Satan himself, it is WWN’s humble opinion that the man responsible for countless deaths in Cambodia, Vietnam and Lao among other countries would be more suited to being reincarnated as the following:

Chief-tester of Laotian fields filled with unexploded US cluster bombs. When he’s done with that, he will move on to testing if samples of Agent Orange work.

The much used sock under the bed of porn-addicted college student seems fitting for a serial wiretapper of journalist’s phones.

Lobster with responsibility for insuring the water temperature in every pot in every kitchen in the known universe is boiling hot.

Someone, anyone with a conscience would surely be the most agonising punishment for Kissinger.

A wingless condor plummeting to earth from the International Space Station; as retribution for being one of the architects of Operation Condor which saw the US support state terrorism across South America resulting in as many as 60,000 deaths.

Taliban fighter in sparsely populated Afghan countryside – it would be torture for Kissinger to find himself reincarnated as a Taliban fighter, only able to kill a handful of people rather than be directly involved in the deaths of millions as he was during his time in office.

A good fit for Kissinger, the man who committed treason by feeding Nixon information that then President Lyndon B. Johnson was close to securing a peaceful end to the Vietnam War in 1968 which helped sabotage such efforts, could be reincarnated as a sea cucumber, who shoots out its own intestines when it feels under threat.

The Greenland Shark, exist at depths where there is no light, often feasted on by a parasite which attaches itself to the shark’s eyes and forced to live like this for 200 years. Seems fair for enabling the genocide of 300,000 Bangladeshi people by Pakistan’s Yahya Khan.

The most frequented urinal at the busiest train station in the world.