Man Finally Emerges From Cinema After Going To See ‘Killers Of The Flower Moon’ In October


STRUGGLING to adjust his eyes to the light and begging cinema staff for water local man David Crowley has finally reached the end of Killers of the Flower Moon some three weeks after sitting down to watch it.

“Jaysus that flew by, I don’t know what everyone was giving out about,” said Crowley handing cinema staff eight full catheter bags while suggesting that they’d be better off burning the cinema to the ground due to the smell.

Sporting a pot belly brought on by sustaining himself solely on cinema popcorn, the Waterford man confirmed the movie was ‘okay’ but wouldn’t be drawn further on the latest Scorcese epic.

“Right now, I have to ring the wife and tell her to cancel that missing person’s report on me,” explained the 35-year-old who walked right past his children, failing to recognise their faces which have changed so much since he ventured in to see the movie on opening night.

Crowley is said to be adjusting to the changed world he has emerged into but it will still take him time.

“A new iPhone, poor Matthew Perry, Gaza, a new Taylor Swift re-do album, apparently there were a few storms, Kurt Cobain’s daughter married Tony Hawk’s son – it’s a lot to take him,” offered Crowley, who was beginning to regret using up all his annual leave in order to watch the film to completion.