Great Big Fucking Eejit Who Caused Brexit Welcomed Back With Open Arms

BRITAIN’S pig population remain on ‘high alert’ as former PM David Cameron, the man who agreed to hold a referendum on Britain’s membership of the EU and then promptly ‘fucked off’, has sensationally waltzed back into UK politics.

“No, it’s not odd at all, it’s very normal to rehire someone after they constantly fuck up and ruin a company so why shouldn’t it be the same for a country?” defended Rishi Sunak after welcoming back Cameron.

“Come on his record speaks for itself, this is the guy who got paid $10mn to advise Greensill Capital right up until it wallop, and used his connections to plead with old government pals for a £400mn loan which cost the taxpayers £335mn. A real stand up guy,” added Sunak, who replaced exiting Home Secretary Suella Braverman with an AI Enoch Powell.

Those relieved to see a ‘grown up’ back in the UK cabinet have been criticised by people whose memories go as far back as the ancient times of 2010 and onwards.

“This is like celebrating your babysitter changing from Harold Shipman to Jimmy fucking Savile. Inviting an arsonist back to admire what a lovely fire is has got going in your home,” confirmed much of the public.

“Was the Liz Truss lettuce busy?” added the UK public who were holding a firm ‘anybody but this gimp’ stance on Cameron’s return to government.

The 300,000 people whose deaths have been linked to Tory austerity policies under Cameron were unavailable for comment on his appointment.