40,000 Tonnes Of Kangaroo Testicles Ordered To ‘I’m A Celeb’ Camp As Nigel Farage Confirmed As Contestant
A FRANTIC attempt by production staff on ‘I’m Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ to commandeer Australia’s total stock of kangaroo testicles has been launched after the show secured Nigel Farage as a contestant.
“We know how the mind of the British public works now, they don’t like to punish politicians by voting them out and not falling for the whole Brexit ruse, they prefer to make them eat donkey anus on ITV,” confirmed a booker for the popular show.
Such is the universal dislike of xenophobic frog man Farage, the show could be in store for an overwhelming avalanche of votes aimed at making the former UKIP leader shovel kangaroo testicles like they were cinema popcorn.
“Hurry, we need it all, de-bollock every kangaroo in sight, this is not a drill,” barked one production staff member down the phone to every butcher in Australia, while also making an appeal for everyone to send maggots their way.
“Finally, we get our revenge on Farage,” said one delighted TV viewer, “he has to eat maggots after playing a key role in hollowing out Britain through Brexit and all he’ll get is £300,000 from ITV and a platform from which he can launder him reputation and then launch yet more harmful campaigns. What a fool he is!”
Elsewhere, Downing St has been forced to order in several pig’s heads as David Cameron has been appointed foreign secretary by Rishi Sunak.