Highlights From The Trump Family’s Week On The Witness Stand

ALREADY found to have committed fraud in his property evaluations by a New York judge, Donald Trump took to the stand this week alongside his daughter. WWN has all the highlights here:

“I’m too pretty for prison” – Donald Trump said multiple times, despite this being a civil trial in which there is no threat of prison.

The ex-president, stumbling through an answer, asked the judge if he could break for 10 minutes in order to watch Jack Nicholson’s ‘you can’t handle the truth’ speech one more time to really nail it.

“As you can see it’s an unfortunate and debilitating condition that runs in the family” – Ivanka Trump on becoming the fourth Trump family member to suffer tragic memory loss the moment she reached the witness stand.

“You’re just jealous because she’s a 10” – Donald said as he heckled the judge during Ivanka’s time on the stand.

“This is a witch hunt, my clients can’t be expected to answer that” – lawyer Alina Habba said to the judge as her clients were asked to state their name for the record.

“I was too busy as president, protecting America” – something Donald Trump genuinely said in response to a question about his business affairs in 2021, a time during which he was no longer president.

Donald refused to answer questions, went on rants at several points and directly admonished and badgered the judge which carries a sentence of ‘jail, now’ for persons of colour.

Proceedings were interrupted briefly when judge Arthur Engoron asked for the name of Ivanka Trump’s plastic surgeon.

“It’s just so I know who NOT to go to, whatever you’ve got done girlfriend, it ain’t working” – stated Engoron.

“This whole trial a political move to keep me off the campaign trail” – Donald, who turned up to court on several days his presence was not required, said.

“I can’t believe you’ve dragged me down here on a school day, I should be sitting at home ignoring my kids as the nannies looks after them” – an emotional Ivanka said, on her failure to be excused from testifying this week.

“Sorry I can only recall details which portray me in a favourable light, everything pertaining to my statements in emails that I too believed my father was overvaluing his wealth I simply cannot remember” – Ivanka stated.

Donald spent at least ten minutes asking his legal team to produce a glove just so he could say ‘if it doesn’t fit you must acquit’.