“My Good For Nothing Idiot Sons, Who I Love Very Much, Committed The Fraud Not Me”

ATTEMPTING to get on the good side of the New York DA after calling her racist outside the courts and calling the judge hearing his case ‘DERANGED’, crime-commiter in chief Donald Trump has taken a new approach to his fraud case.

“Eric, Don Jr but not my precious Ivanka, totally screwed up whatever it is I’m being accused of in this particular case, sorry I’ve a lot of them, it’s hard to keep up with the details,” Trump said, as his sons testify in his civil fraud trial.

“Eric and Don Jr are the Bepop and Rocksteady to my Shredder – everybody is saying it. They are as bright as a black hole and twice as dense,” Trump further explained.

“I love my loser disappointment sons despite them being the Mona Lisas of mediocrity, and while I’m no snitch, wouldn’t rat, never ratted, not in my nature, but they did it all, judge”.

A bad few weeks for Trump have seen a number of former associates making plea deals in the Georgia election fraud case.

“I don’t even know her,” confirmed Trump when asked about his former lawyer Michael Cohen, who testified Trump personally directed him and his company’s ex-chief financial officer to ‘arbitrarily’ inflate the value of assets to reach a desired number.

Trump was also fined $10,000 by Judge Arthur Engoron for breaching a gag order imposed on him preventing him for speaking or posting about court staff.

“Don’t worry, I can pay any fine, all I have to do is inflate the value of my properties and then borrow vast sums of money from banks based off those fraudulent valuations,” offered Trump as his lawyer buried her head in her hands.