Netanyahu Says Ceasefire Would Only Save Innocent Lives


“IF PEOPLE think a ceasefire will somehow save actual people, it won’t, it would just save Palestinian women and children. And really, you ask me for a ceasefire at a time like this, when we’re all still mourning Matthew Perry? Have some class, how dare you,” stated Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu as he was once again told he could save innocent lives by bringing an end to his air bombardment and ground assault.

“I have to laugh, lefty bleeding hearts aren’t even trying to appeal to my humanity by highlighting some virtuous aspect to a ceasefire, you’re just saying ‘no more children will be murdered’, not even a pros and cons list. You’ve got to try harder,” added Netanyahu, enjoying a 30% approval rating among the Israeli public but a 100% do whatever the fuck you like rating among people called Joe Biden.

An IDF spokesperson went on to say a ceasefire would also mean they wouldn’t get to use all these expensive new bombs and ammunition they’ve received, which would truly pass the threshold for what constitutes a real tragedy.

“I want you to imagine for a second not the pained and terrified expression of a Palestinian child clinging to her parents as her home is subjected to an air raid but instead picture the tears that would stream from the face of an American arms dealer if we have tell him ‘sorry we can’t use your arms buddy but some idiots called a ceasefire’,” explained an IDF spokesperson, getting emotional.

Elsewhere, the UN and humanitarian aid workers have been told to direct all future pleas for food, water and fuel for Palestinians in this bin the Israeli government has generously provided.