Thousands Turn Out For ‘Too Afraid To Give Opinion On Gaza’ Protest

HEAVILY publicised and attended by thousands, a protest for those people looking to express the fact they aren’t going to risk criticising or praising anything related to the events in Israel and Gaza over the last few weeks has taken place.

“You might think it’s uncontroversial to condemn the fact premature babies are at risk of imminent death because hospitals in Gaza can’t get fuel for their generators because Israel won’t let aid in, but obviously you haven’t been keeping up with the news,” said one masked protest attender, firmly grasping their ‘no strong opinion one way or another, please don’t cancel me’ placard.

Call and responses of ‘what do we want?’ ‘To keep our heads down until this hopefully blows over’, ‘when do we want it?’ ‘we’re not committing to concrete positions on this, sorry’ were heard throughout the protests.

“I’ve a bit of a following on LinkedIn so I’m not risking anything. I need to keep my job,” added another fearful protester, possibly referencing the case of an Irish employee being fired by Israeli tech firm Wix, a company which had been urging employees to post pro-Israeli social media content because ‘unlike the Gazans, we look and live like Europeans or Americans’.

Other placards in the crowd included ‘publicly on the fence, privately and secretly condemning’, ‘all my socials are on private so good luck trying to drag me into this’ and ‘I dunno… give peace a chance?’

“Every fiber of my being wants to say ‘bit fucked up what Hamas did’ and ‘Israel is an apartheid regime’ but I’m a first year Political Science student so I’d be risking having the nickname Fascist War Crime Defender Pig or worse ‘Centrist Dad’ until I graduate,” confirmed another protester not looking to make the same naive and foolish mistake UN chief Antonio Guterres made when calling for urgent aid to be let into Gaza.