Every Revelation From Britney’s Memoir
WWN Celeb has collated all tabloid reporting on Britney Spears’ new memoir The Woman In Me which is released today and can present a complete and accurate picture of all the shocking revelations from the hotly anticipated book.
The following is a 100% true account which has in no way been embellished by tabloids seeking to misinform readers via sensationalist clickbait headlines:
Britney had Justin Timberlake killed by a hitman in 2001. The hitman, Austin Powers actor Verne ‘Mini Me’ Troyer, was paid $43 dollars to do the hit. A Timberlake clone was then created by the music industry using strands of the N Sync singer’s hair found in discarded perm rods.
On her passionate liaison with Irish actor Colin Farrell, Britney says the Dubliner won her over by introducing her to Irish culture. “This is the food of me people” Farrell said to Spears, feeding her a delicacy known as a 4-in-1 in an exclusive Irish restaurant called Soon Fat Takeaway.
Spears revealed that all Disney child stars are injected with Walt Disney DNA on a daily basis and were permitted only one hour of sleep every lunar cycle.
Her father’s controlling ways are said to make uncomfortable reading for the average overbearing Irish mother who display similar traits.
Spears clarified that ‘leave Britney alone’ could also apply to fans who have watched and speculated on her every move since she has been freed from her conservatorship.
On the abortion she had during her relationship with Timberlake Spears wrote: “For me, it wasn’t a tragedy. But Justin definitely wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. He said we weren’t ready to have a baby in our lives, that we were way too young” which WWN can exclusively tabloid translate into “Timberlake forced Britney at gunpoint to get abortion”.
While Timberlake’s ‘revenge song’ for Spears’ cheating which she engaged in due to Timberlake’s own infidelity led to a deeply misogynistic media to hound and bully her she still conceeds that ‘Cry Me A River’ is still a tune.
Having been deprived of a normal childhood Britney speaks of rebelling by staying up 5 minutes past her bedtime and entering into a 55-hour marriage to Jason Alexander.
“I thought he was the guy from Seinfeld,” Britney confirmed.
Britney denies any genuine rift between her and Christina Aguilera in a 200-page chapter titled ‘That Bitch Ass Ho’.
Highlighting the lengths paparazzi for the Mail Online would go to one photographer volunteered to be put through a meat grinder and place in a hamburger Spears would go on to eat. The next day the Mail Online printed exclusive pictures from inside Spears’ bowels.
Britney Spears is the third secret of Fatima.