Rishi Sunak’s Favourite Wins


BACKING his Israeli 9/4 favourite “to win” whatever warped conflict competition world leaders partake in these day, British Prime Minister and almost billionaire Rishi Sunak vowed to support Benjamin Netanyahu’s proposed invasion of Gaza no matter what, sparking the question what other ‘wins’ he would back given the opportunity.

His Tory government v Britain’s poor: a commanding win as 300,000 ‘excess’ deaths in Great Britain have been attributed to UK Government austerity policies.

The Great Irish famine v Bengal famine: surely this win would have been right up his Downing Street. Although the Bengal famine had a higher death rate at 2mn people, Rishi is of Indian descent, so we’re guessing his money would have definitely been on how the British won by letting 1 million Irish starve to death too.

His wife’s bank balance v oversight on cushy government contracts: there’s no greater celebration then when you experience a personal win and Sunak had that when firms linked to his wife received £2mn in funding from Sunak’s Future Funding scheme for struggling startups during Covid.

America vs Julian Assange: remembering that time a US helicopter gunship obliterated innocent civilians including Reuters staffers and then targeted whistleblower Julian Assange for releasing the footage on his site Wikileaks, Rishi would have backed the US on this one, knowing full well they’d force Assange into exile before eventually capturing him and imprisoning him in limbo somewhere. Yes, any fool could have guessed the winner here.

Brexit v Prosperity: the UK is an estimated 5.5% poorer and growing thanks to Brexit. Victory!

Sunak v people having SEVEN bins: it was never a thing, but Sunak was able to scrap non-existent woke plans which would require British households to have seven bins. Add in the 1.65bn in Covid business load fraud under Sunak’s watch as chancellor as you’ve got Win Win Win.

US drone v The Wech Baghtu wedding: it doesn’t take an expert to choose the winner between an airstrike and 37 Afghan guests at an Afghani wedding, most of whom were women and children. Winning is too easy.