We Don’t Give A Flying Fuck About Your Marriage, World Tells Smiths

ATTEMPTING to nip 4 million tabloid articles in the bud, the world has reassured news editors and Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith that whatever it is they’re trying to tell the world ‘no thank you, we’re good’.

“No, I’ll stop you there. Don’t care,” said the world in the general direction of Jada Pinkett Smith who apparently has a book she was trying to promote.

Despite the polite rebuttal and clear declaration from the world that there are excretions made by single celled organisms dwelling in the most remote bodies of water on the Earth that are of more interest to them, the Smiths feel the need to provide another update on their marriage.

“Silence please. Nah nah nah can’t hear you,” pleaded the world, who felt there are actual 100-car pile ups that are less of a car crash than the Smiths’ marriage.

Employing some quick thinking, scientists at CERN have created a giant void into which Pinkett Smith can throw all updates, personal confessions and public embarrassments thus avoiding all risk the inhabitants of the planet will ever have to learn of them again.

In a similar move the offices of the Mail Online have been burned down.