Rugby Lad In Work Has Been Mentally Checked Out For Weeks
WORKPLACES across Ireland have no choice but to finally address productivity issues among their Irish rugby lad contingent as their output continues to plummet, WWN can reveal.
“HR can’t do anything, I have been present physically, check the CCTV I even move my mouse every 15 minutes to make it look like I’m working,” confirmed Terry Evans, account manager at a leading marketing company who is perhaps the most flagrant example of this mental checkout.
“Like I’m talking to you now, making eye contact but I am visualising nothing but the Irish pack breaking through tackles, getting over that try line while some Kiwi cries,” explained Evans whose work ethic had suffered to such an extent that he had to look himself up on LinkedIn to remind himself what it is he does.
“Couldn’t name a single client in work but I have a PHD in monitoring James Lowe eye injury updates”.
While offices have lost many staff to piss ups in France, Evans has wisely holding off on a trip until the final which Ireland will 100% be in.
Evans also admitted that he has put about as much effort into his job since the tournament started as Jada Pinkett Smith has put into her marriage however, so engrossed is he in rugby right now he can draw every single Eddie Jones meme from memory.
“Name a try at the World Cup, I’ve seen it. I’ve recreated it in the conference room. Name a banterific video from France, I’ve watched it. But I have purposefully erased all knowledge of the office so I can obsess, daydream and engage in some of the greatest rugby horseplay of the mind,” confirmed Evans.