New Survey Reveals Orcs Suffer Most From Body Issues


THE RED-EYED humanoid creatures originating from Angband commonly known as ‘orcs’ have reported record low levels of self esteem when it comes to their appearance.

“When you’re the by-word for a hideous being you would never mate with, it’s hard not to take that personally and let it deplete your self-confidence,” shared survey participant and orc Bolbag.

Bred from the heat and slimes of the earth, just 2% of orcs responded positively to the question ‘do you think you’re beautiful?’ comparing to 55% of humans, leading some to call for a programme to address orc-kind’s body image issues.

“I wanted to play the lead in the school play when I was a kid but was told I wasn’t ‘Snow White material’, I had to play ‘Horrible Orc No.1’, a role Miss O’Neill made especially for me,” said one low esteem sufferer and orc, Shagrat.

“Sure I’ve got a big arse and a slim waist but what use is that to me when I’ve never had a match on Tinder, the Eye of Sauron wouldn’t even gimme a look,” shared Shagrat.

The survey also confirmed that while many orcs have literally been ridden into battle, the phrase is consistently used by others to denigrate their visual pleasantness.

“I haven’t seen myself naked in 15 years,” added Bolbag, choosing to dress head to toe in a burka to conceal themselves from their own eyes.