4 Time Consuming Drinks To Order In A Busy Bar At Closing Time


ORDERING drinks at a busy bar can be a stressful experience for everyone involved, so why not up the ante with these 4 time-consuming alcoholic beverages that will be sure to send any bar staff member into a fit of anxious rage.

Irish Coffee

Best kept as an order ten minutes before the bar closes, why not make your last drink of the night a right bastard of a thing to make forcing the flow of the entire bar into disarray. Watch as the bar staff frantically look for anything that resembles whipped cream while they curse themselves for turning off the coffee machine too early. Fuck it, order ten of these like the bar counter isn’t ten deep with baying customers shouting, ‘when you’re ready’ in a passive aggressive manner.

Bloody Mary

Choosing a drink dependant on a tiny bottle of Tabasco that has been floating around the bar since Italia 90 is a sure-fire way to keep those bar men and women on their toes. Insist on a leek, making it clear that a poorly chopped spring onion won’t do. Cracked pepper only and can I have freshly pulped tomato juice please, none of that stuff in the bottle from the bottom shelf there that has sedimented into layers from standing too long, thanks.

Irish Whiskey

Laugh as the barman has to wash the only 3 handled glasses the bar has in stock while he sends some poor member of floor staff out to the 24 hour for fucking cloves. Are those lemons washed? I didn’t think so, you pubs never wash lemons. Can I have five cloves neatly placed in every segment. Where’s the perfectly folded napkin around the handle, you heathen. Come on, chop chop, Paval, this is Ireland, pal, we love Irish Whiskeys.

23 Baby Guinness

Hey, I know a brilliant shot that’s as weak as a packet of wine gums and as annoying as a wino with no gums eating a stale baguette, baby Guinness! It’s so fun because it’s like a mini pint of Guinness and just as painful to make. Is that teaspoon clean? Jesus, you made a right sticky mess of the bar counter there, chief. Can you bring them over to the table please? Man, we’re going to be so twisted after drinking one of these 30cl low percentage shots for €6 a pop. Let’s drink them in sync like they don’t taste like those dark chocolate liquor sweets your weird English aunty sends you for Christmas. Make a disgusted grimace like a hard man would do drinking moonshine. Classic lads!